After reviewing the first draft of my script, Mr Becker and I both agreed there was a lack of cohesion. There was also a lack of information on mise en scene, and I had included key technical descriptions that belonged in my storyboard. My original idea was to jump to the height of the drama within my intro, and I was worried that this was introduced too quickly to the audience, therefore not keeping to the conventions of the opening of a film.
So I decided to change the structure of the events to create a more logical and consistent thread linking the different segments of action together. I added much more detail to my script, including the mise en scene, such as: natural light in the bedroom, party clothes from the night before, the type of phone she owned as these would create a sense of who the main character was in my opening. Instead of ending my song around thirty seconds into the intro, I decided to keep the music throughout, as this also kept to the conventions of most films and would help emphasise certain elements in my intro. Originally I planned for Marnie to go to school in order to show her in a social environment, but then I changed the idea so that she would meet her friends at the bus stop. This meant that the series of events later on in the film would leave more of an effect on the audience, as they had witnessed
This meant that I could use extra microelements such as mise en scene and use of camera to create effective macro representation. I believe that had I not changed the structure of events I would not have kept to the rules of verisimilitude within my intro.
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